Let the feelings flow…. and make connections

How do you handle your emotions? Do you express every thought that comes into your head? Do you stuff your emotions deep down and deny that they are there? In between these two extremes is a wide range of emotional reactions, responses, and expressions.

A key to success is emotional mastery which doesn’t mean you don’t feel and express emotions, but it does mean that you don’t pour out your emotions at inappropriate times and inappropriate ways. So how we can we walk that fine line of feeling and expressing our emotions without over sharing or hurting the people around us?

For many of us, we choose to ignore emotions or deny that they exist in an attempt to gain control. This response often leads to illness, outbursts, and compulsive behavior.  For many years, I had trouble acknowledging and expressing anger. I would push that anger deep down and pretend I didn’t feel it.  When I started allowing myself to say…”Hey I am angry” even if it was only in my head… I often found that my anger really masked a different emotion like sadness or fear. I thought that if I acknowledged anger- I would get angrier… what I found was that I was able to pass through the emotion quickly as long as I let myself feel it.

Try this exercise right now… ask yourself…”What am I feeling right now?”… Then ask again… “What am I really feeling?” As you allow the feelings to bubble up to the surface… sit in the emotions for a bit… then say “I am fully feeling… (anger, sadness, fear, happiness, etc)…”  If your feeling is one you want to hold on to and treasure- like happiness, joy, love… enjoy the feeling… if it is a feeling that you want to move through… allow the feeling to fully develop and then pass through… I sometimes feel my feelings like anger and when I allow the feeling to pass through- I can actually feel it leaving my body. Notice I didn’t say yell at your spouse, kids, partner, or coworkers.  Experiencing your emotions is about you and what you have going on inside.

The moment of truth is this… if you are experiencing anger and try to deny, resist, or push it away… it will keep coming back… you know the saying- “What we resist persists.”

I have a saying that I like to “feel squeaky clean on the inside”.  Which means that I don’t like to have hidden emotions, agendas, and/or grudges creeping around inside my head and body.  Fully experiencing emotions is part of that squeaky clean feeling.

If it has been awhile since you have been in touch with your deep emotions, watch a movie like Warhorse, Steel Magnolias, or Rudy… or listen to music from a bright new star like Jonathon Antoine- an overweight, extremely shy teenager with an opera voice (he has been compared to Pavaratti ) that makes tears stream down your face.

Let the feelings flow…  and make the connections to your inner world.

Emotional mastery means feeling and accepting all of your emotions while at the same time being in full control of your choices and the actions that you take. As you master your emotions, you take giant leaps forward on your own path to achievement and success.

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by Sheri Kaye Hoff, MA, CGCL Your Inspired Action Success Coach. Sheri Kaye Hoff is a Life Coach and transformational author of multiple books. She is a leadership expert, keynote speaker, international radio show guest,  podcast host, and workshop leader. Visit Sheri at www.lifeisjoyful.org

*****

Posted in Emotional Health, Negative Emotions | 1 Comment

Helping a 7-year-old regain confidence

One 7-year-old girl’s timid behavior has her parent worried about her emotional health.
(Hadley Hooper – For The Washington Post)

“She is scared of fires, she says, and of sirens, of ‘bad people’ on the street and of burglars who might break into our house. She  insists that we keep the light on in the hall at night and open the  bedroom doors halfway,” says the parent in a letter to Family Almanac columnist Marguerite Kelly.

“My daughter gets scared in the daytime as well and follows me  wherever I go in our two-story house. She often touches me, as if doing  so could keep her safe.”

The parent also notes the child’s less-than-rosy upbringing may be connected to her behavior: “Her parents divorced when she was 2; her neighbor’s house caught fire  when she was 4, causing us to rush outside with her in the middle of  the night; and her cousin, with whom she was quite close, got sick and  died when she was 5. She also saw a lot of violent arguing in the home of a family member, but I’ve made sure she will seldom, if ever, be  exposed to that behavior again.”

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I read the above article with interest. This child can be helped at home with Bach Flower Remedies.

Mimulus for the fear of fires, sirens, “bad people” and for shyness & clinging to her mom.

Larch can help her gain self-confidence.

Star of Bethlehem for the trauma of having witnessed violent arguing at the family member’s home.

Walnut to help her make changes smoothly and easily.

If the child has other emotional issues, please consult with a qualified Bach Flower Remedies practitioner.

For more information on Bach Flower Remedies, how to use them at home, where to get them, etc, please sign up on the right and get my f.r.e.e. ebook.

 

 

Posted in Fear, Self confidence, Trauma | Leave a comment

Happy New Year

Hello there.

I want to start off the new year with a lovely quote from Dr. John C. Maxwell, world-renowned leadership expert.

“Work like you don’t need the money
Dance like no one is watching
Sing like no one is listening
Love like you’ve never been hurt
Live like it’s heaven on earth.”

Live this year based on his advice. You will be so happy that you did.

I am certainly going to try…

My very best wishes to you.

Vimala

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Acts of Kindness release Stress

Acts of Kindness release Stress, says Lauren E. Miller, a stress relief expert, breast cancer survivor and author of “Release the Stress around Breast Cancer.”

“When you are grateful and practicing random acts of kindness in your life, you end up feeling safe and connected to that which is good and true in this world and the result is inner calm, clarity of thinking and a heart full of love”, she says.

Read the whole article here.

Go ahead, start being kind to others without expecting anything in return and get instant stress relief.

As 2011 draws to a close, I want to take a moment to thank you for coming to my blog, reading the posts and sharing your thoughts. I do love hearing from you.

Happy New Year in advance. “See” you in the new year.

Vimala

PS – as I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, I have set the theme for next year for me as “Living with Grace & Ease”. I expect to be blogging more about this in the new year. Wish me luck :)

Posted in Kindness, Stress Relief | Leave a comment

A day of kindness

One of the biggest sources of stress in our lives is not being able to accept parts of ourselves – the negative the more negative and the downright ugly (ok, some of us aren’t so ugly…… right?).

I want to share an article by a writer I admire Brian Vaszily for holding up the mirror to himself and for sharing it openly with others. It takes a lot of courage to be so vulnerable. Way to go, Brian.

Here is his article on Acts of Kindness. Read it and share your thoughts.

Till next time,

Vimala

 

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Being kind to yourself

Keeping with the theme of kindness for this month’s posts, I want to write about another area of kindness that is difficult to practise, especially when things go wrong.

Being kind to ourselves.

We have all been taught to be kind to others, but most of us were never taught to be kind to ourselves. In fact most of us grow up thinking that being nice to ourselves is self-centred and self-indulgent.

For a recovering perfectionist like me, it very hard to be nice to myself. So much easier to beat myself up, to always think about what I did wrong rather than what I did right.

One of my friends, a very wise lady from the Philippines, stopped me when I was saying something negative about myself. She asked me to write what my positive qualities I have. I found it hard to do but came up with 5.

She read out each one, and asked me if I would like another person who had such qualities. I knew the answer “YES”.

So there it was right before me – I had the qualities I admire in other people but I was refusing to see them in myself or somehow considered them to be a disadvantage to me. This short exercise that she did with me helped me understand myself better.

I still tend to beat myself up now and then but it is getting better – not quite so much as earlier.

If you find it hard to be kind to yourself, try doing the exercise that my friend did with me. I think you’ll start liking yourself even if just a little.

Posted in Kindness, Self Esteem | Leave a comment

Kindness

I love reading about kindness and acts of kindness.

In my view true kindness is such a difficult thing to practice. Being kind to someone we love or care about is easy. Even being kind to a complete stranger is not so difficult.

BUT being kind to someone who has hurt you or continues to hurt you is… oh so…….. difficult.

Even when I have tried to be kind to someone who has hurt me, I am not sure that my motivation to do so is right.

Sometimes I feel that I had hidden motives. I want that person to see me in a better light, to acknowledge me, to apologise for the way they have treated me.

Sometimes I wanted them to see what a good person I was for being kind to someone who hurt me, and so on…….

It never worked. I ended up feeling more hurt by them not changing or not doing what I had expected them to do.

Today I decided to change things a bit. I would compliment someone who continues to hurt me without expecting anything in return. I sent that person an SMS complimenting her on something she had done for someone else. I haven’t heard back from her yet – may be she will reply, may be she won’t.

But I feel great for having sent the compliment without any expectation of result.

Try it for yourself. Let me know how it goes.

Vimala

“Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves.”

 

 

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Stress free Christmas and holidays with Flower Remedies

I am reposting this from last year. It is a really useful article on using Bach Flower Remedies to manage the stress of the upcoming festivities and holiday season.

Read on and enjoy a stress free Christmas with your family and friends.

Remedies for Christmas
(source: www.BachCentre.com)

christmas-1245801_65710246Christmas is supposed to be the season of love and goodwill. Statistics show, however, that there are more family conflicts and emotional outbursts over the Christmas holidays than at any other time.

Whether your problem is getting along with your family, or having to get along without them, there is a remedy in the Bach system that could help you.

Try Willow if you feel sorry for yourself because you are the only one who isn’t having a good time.

Try Impatiens if Christmas is a whirl of last-minute shopping and hectic preparations, so that you have little time for actually sharing it with anyone.

Try Beech if Auntie Elsie’s eating habits and taste in television irritate you beyond measure.

Try Olive if the preparations for Christmas leave you too tired to enjoy it.

… and try Hornbeam if just thinking about Christmas is enough to make you want to crawl back into bed until the new year.

For detailed information on where to buy the remedies, how to use them, etc, please sign up on the right and get my f.r-e.e ebook.

If you know someone who needs some of the remedies mentioned above, recommend a personal consultation for them.

To learn more about Bach Flower Remedies and use them confidently at home for yourself and your family, join a 2 day introductory workshop.

Posted in Overwhelm, Stress Relief | Leave a comment

Era of Distraction

We live in an extremely fast-paced world today. So much information is coming at us all the time. With Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and various RSS feeds and news feeds, we are constantly bombarded with news, updates and a lot more information. Someone has called it the “Era of Distraction”.

It is so easy to get distracted nowadays. We get caught up in keeping up with all the latest updates in so many areas – from news to fashion to movies to music to gadget upgrades………. it seems endless. And it is ……

All this is affecting our productivity and ability to keep focus. Even as we are working at our computers, we get notifications of new email, new chat messages from friends, news updates – all of these clamouring for our attention.

If we want to accomplish anything useful or important, we have to be able to focus and concentrate on the task at hand. If our mind keeps running off to other things, how can we concentrate properly?

Clematis is a Bach Flower Remedy that can help us stop getting distracted and be present wherever we are, with whatever we are doing.

White Chestnut is another remedy that can help if our minds are whizzing away, thinking too much.

Elm can help if we feel overwhelmed from all the things that are clamouring for our attention.

For directions on how to use these remedies for yourself and your family, please sign up on the right and get my f.r-e^e ebook today.

Posted in Overwhelm, Worry | Leave a comment

Procrastinating?

A few weeks ago, I had an idea of setting a theme for next year for myself – my business, professional and person life. Rather than set New Year’s resolutions which I lose interest in after 2-3 months (sometimes even sooner), I thought why not have a theme for the year, and use that theme to guide my actions in the next year.

I got busy with other things and soon forgot about this idea.

About a week later, suddenly I had an idea of what theme I could set for next year. Almost out of nowhere, the theme came to me – Living with Grace & Ease. As I thought more about this idea, I was getting very excited. Immediately I wrote it down and SMSed a good friend to tell her about it.

I also emailed my coach about it. She asked me to write my thoughts and ideas about this theme for next year and email it to her.

When I sat down to write, I started getting worried. I had already set a big income goal for next year and how was I going to reach it if my theme is “Ease”. I thought that growing my business cannot happen with Ease. It was going to take a lot of effort.

I had promised my coach that I would email her something by the following week  but nothing was coming up. Every time I scheduled a time to write I ended up distracted, confused and kept postponing the writing. I couldn’t write anything as a lot of fears kept coming up. I was feeling very frustrated. If I couldn’t even write something about the theme, how I was I going to actually live it?

Two days before I had to email my coach, in the evening after a long day, I told myself I would just start writing. Again nothing was coming up. I opened a Word file and typed the title “Living with Grace & Ease”. Then nothing again. My mind was tempting me with ‘you still have 2 days, you can do it tomorrow, go and rest today’ but I stuck with it.

As if by chance, I saw the bottle of Rescue Remedy on my table. I took 2 drops of Rescue Remedy neat in my mouth. At first I didn’t feel anything. A few minutes later my mind was a little clearer and I sat at my computer again, and started typing.

An hour and a half later, I realized that I hadn’t stopped typing – I  had typed several pages of thoughts and ideas ! I edited some of it and sent it off to my coach.

I felt very good afterward. Normally I would feel tired after thinking and writing so much but this time I didn’t. I credit Rescue Remedy for helping me feel calm and collected enough to write.

Do try Rescue Remedy today. For information on where to buy it, how to use it, etc, please sign up on the right and get my free ebook.

PS – I’ll write more about my theme for the next year in subsequent posts and how it all pans out. I hope my experiences will inspire you to try the Bach Flower Remedies and Rescue Remedy for yourself and your family.

Posted in Procrastination | Leave a comment